When Pizza Orders Me at One O'Clock in the Morning

With tears rolling down my face

The woman that I see isn’t a reflection of hope

A promise of His love for me.

Always doing things in my own time

Doing things my own way 

Then asking Him is this good…

Setting limits on my Blessings

So tired of the pain, so tired of the hurt

I began to pray

Calling on His name

I put so much distance between us with my sin

So thankful that my mother prayed for me

He took the shackles off my feet so I could dance

But the blinders where still on so I was still bound

When I started to get real with myself and my God is when my heart began to change

Now when I say I am special it is because I know it for myself

God has purpose for my life everyday that He wakes me up

When I just say no to a sedentary lifestyle, to negative thoughts, to bad relationships, to bad food choices

I say no because I know my body and my life are unique precious gifts that have been given to me from Him above

My thanks to Him is to praise Him and respect these gifts   

                                                                              

Goodnight Pizza.... I'm Happy Beyond Fit!

Candy From Strangers...

Accepting candy from strangers has long been a cautionary tale of mischief and perversion. A dark stranger luring a trusting child into harms way. An unsuspecting damsel on a dimly lit street meeting ill fate... 


As I have grown on my journey to becoming Happy Beyond Fit my Candy from Strangers has been more like Pearls of Wisdom... Information that fell upon def ears until I was ready to take personal responsibility for my life, health, and future.

Candy from Strangers for me has been the sweet stories of the dichotomy of failure and success; hope and hopelessness; despair and joy....these are an inevitable part of any worthwhile journey.
The ability to extrapolate meaningful information from others trials as well as grow from your own short comings and struggles makes the victory even sweeter.

                                                                     

 On some future posts I will explore some of the sweet treats that I have received from strangers and friends alike.

Until then here are a few chocolate pearls
from me to get you motivated...

                                                                   
                                                           1. Prayer Changes Everything
                                                           2. Love Yourself
                                                           3. Drink Plenty of Water
                                                           4. Write down everything you eat
                                                           5. Talk about your feelings
                                                           6.  Protein is Fuel
                                                           7.  Get Moving
                                                           8. You Can Do This

Be Happy Beyond Fit!

Happy New Year !?!

It is already June and this is my first post in 2012.  Writing has always been cathartic for me. Blogging again makes me feel like I am in the room with a therapist!

Let me share what I have been doing for the past few months:
                                                              

Earned my Master's Degree

Photo op with Eric Benet

Compared an old photo from June 2011 to
January 2012.... WOW!!!

Raced for the Cure....

Ran the Mini-marathon!

Partied like a Rock-Star!!!

Maintained weight loss....





As my journey continues I need my old friend back
.... Happy New Year Happy Beyond Fit!

Character Building

Today I ran in 44 degree temperatures as the sky turned grey and the blustery wind burned my cheeks, chafed my lips, and chilled my hands.  Because of the inclement weather I briefly thought about going back to my car but then I remembered that: I got myself into this overweight, unhealthy mess and now only my sacrifices can get me out.
So I continued...
It began to rain a little but I kept going...

I wanted  to slow down...

...but Lewey continued his sprint!

I began to complain...
And my sister sent me a text response about running in harsh conditions being Character Building.

So I pondered over what exactly was character building about an hour long run in the park... being pulled by my puppy...freezing my bum off!

Here are some things that I came up with:

I believe before your true efforts can be put towards character building there must first be self-deconstruction:

That is the journey...Happy Beyond Fit!

Character building and self deconstruction have a symbiotic relationship.

In the image below is the structure being built or torn down?

...an argument can be made for either side!

DECONSTRUCTION: Listen to your heart and your inner self and find the reasons or triggers that cause you to have decreased will power, lack of faith and self-control. The choices that cause you to be dishonest with yourself and eat unhealthy foods and not exercise.

WHEN HAVE HOPE AND FAITH THAT WE CAN DO BETTER....

THEN ACT....

THERE IS...

CHARACTER BUILDING: Embrace the deconstructive elements and act on them to make changes in your life. This makes you a stronger person.

 

What I've learned thus far on my journey:

Don't be afraid of difficult situations and challenges. Just because something is difficult does not mean it is impossible. It is just hard!  It will take some extra work but will be worth it in the end!

Weight loss after a sedentary lifestyle is difficult...

Having the will power to exercise despite inclement weather is hard...

Neither is impossible...

Both are Character Building.

Ain't Nothing Gonna Break My Stride!

Ain't Nothing Gonna Break My Stride!

This is a video clipart montage that I put together to celebrate breaking through 200lbs!
Yeah me!

I am very proud of my accomplishments thus far on my journey.

...and the saga continues: Happy Beyond Fit!

Lying on Your Driver's License...a Crime?

Is lying on your driver's licence a crime?

I cannot be the only person who has "forgotten" to update the weight section on their drivers licence at renewal time!
I pulled out my licence today to make a credit card purchase and was absolutely floored by the picture. 
I look so fat.
It makes me very sad for that Angela, especially when I look in the mirror today and see how far I still have to go.  Anyway, the weight that was printed on the licence stood out because it stated that I weighed 200lbs.
I do remember intentionally changing this weight about 6 years ago when I needed to replace my loss licence. The weight at that time read 145lbs and I had to be at least 95lbs heavier but I was too ashamed to put 145lbs but not so concerned that I only put 200lbs.

Well I don't think lying about your weight on your drivers licence should be a punishable offense!
The larger crime is the damage that being at an unhealthy weight and unhealthy lifestyle causes the body.

Today when I got on the scale it read 202 lbs...just 2lbs away from the lie I've been telling on my drivers licence for years.
I'm due for a new licence in 2015...
I can't wait to continue to lie on my driver's licence until then...
only this time in the other direction. 
And maybe if someone decides its a crime to  "forget" to change your weight on your drivers licence..
He will pull me over!

Weight Loss and the Green Eyed Monster

As Halloween approaches and children search for the perfect costume the only monsters and goblins in sight should be the ones preparing for trick-or-treating night.  Unfortunately, this weekend while visiting with my family my weight loss was met head on by a monster... a green eyed monster! And you can call her Jealousy.

 My weight loss struggles have been very public and private battles that have left me at times feeling unpretty, unworthy, and invisible.  The inches and pounds almost mirror the pain and disappointment I've experienced over the past 20 or more years.  The ability of this family member to make my success and obvious happiness a competition about herself, suggesting I am somehow leaving her to hold the "fat crown" is one of the most jealous and insecure things I've seen her do thus far.  And boy have I seen her do plenty!

After surfing the net I realized that I'm not the only person with this very real and hurtful problem.  These same sentiments are echoed regarding co-workers and good friends.  When the perpetrator is a relative or a sister it takes on another meaning.  

Here is the skinny on what happened:

My sister hadn't seen me since I lost 46 pounds and we shared an awkward exchange at my niece's birthday party in which we got caught up on current events.  As other relatives poured into the building, one aunt in particular could barely speak before she gave me many accolades and acknowledged my weight loss.  My sister quickly jumped on the band wagon and said she knew something was different but didn't want to mention it...my sister...didn't want to mention it? I was approximately 240lbs the last time she saw me and that day I was 205lbs!
Later at my parents house my sister told me that she didn't like how my face looks now and that it looks better the other way.  I didn't understand her or maybe I didn't want to believe what she was saying so I sought clarification. "So you want to see me with chubby cheeks...you need me to be chubby?"  She replied yes.

The next day she told me that my neck looked too skinny and that I "look like one of those people".  Growing short on patience I didn't indulge..
She informed me that the game was on now and that I won't be the only one losing weight.  She badgered my nine year old until she told her my workout routine and later I heard of a troubling conversation she had with my teenager at the party.  She told my daughter that I think that I'm jazzy but she is the cute one.

All these comments initially seemed mean and cruel but for where I am in my life now they are benign and I am unaffected. Unfortunately, most people on their weight loss journey are still somewhat fragile.  As I make my journey to become Happy Beyond Fit and discover more about myself I realize even more about the world and the people around me.  My sister's jealousy has nothing to do with me.  She feels as though she should be in front or ahead of me because of her own insecurities. My shortcomings have always been on display which made my shoulders easy to stand on to feel tall...especially when I felt unworthy myself and laid out a welcome mat.

Things I know are true:

1. My sister loves me
2. No one is perfect
3. If we are good students of life, we evolve to increasing levels of self awareness as we mature
4. Jealousy is always about the jealous person...not the target
5. I love my sister
6. My sister wants to see me healthy and alive and around to raise my children
7. My sister has my full support if she chooses to embark on her own journey to become Happy Beyond Fit
8. We don't choose our family but we can choose how we love them
9. Forgiveness is an honest but selfish act, if you are wise
10. I looked back over the pictures from the weekend and my sister is right...I am looking pretty jazzy these days!

Have you given the Green Eyed Monster in your life a hug today?